could you please tell me why?????

dear my blog.....

lately, i know that i always share the story full of sadness. hmm... its just like that ! and now, i wanna ask u.. why it is happen to me??? am sure that u have the answer !

well, i tell you....
last friday i didnt come to ofc (actually coz am not feeling well then i've to bedrest at home) so, i've been thinking a whole day until this time, what's wrong with me? i dont even know what to do? i really2 feel alone right now :(

let me explain all of this,
first....
my mom and dad will divorce.. dan sekarang mereka lagi ngurus perceraiannya. sebenernya ci ga ada bedanya dengan sekarang, toh mereka juga udah ga tinggal satu rumah dari waktu yang lumayan udah cukup lama. but what i feel now is gue harus nerima kenyataan itu. kenyataan yang gue ga bisa terima sebenernya but i have to! sedih kalo ngeliat nyokap sendirian dirumah, pengen nangis rasanya..seharusnya dia ga sendiri di masa tuanya tp ternyata itu keputusannya. Honestly, it's hard for me (mungkin karna gue orgnya pemikir kali ya). i want my family back !!!!!

second....
i've tried to closed my heart for anyone but i can't lie to my self that i really2 falling in love with my lovely closest friend. i love him so much eventhough i know that he doesn't care bout this. He never never never care bout my feeling. that's him ! i've tried to go away from him but i cant.. He knows exactly the way how to treat me but what he doesnt know is the way how to respect my feeling. sometimes, i feel angry with him and i cant tell him. i just keep it coz i know i dont have anyright to angry with him. i ever told him that i won't have a boyfriend with one condition that i can be with him. i know that is impossible. am a fool women that he ever seen i guess!

third...
i just dream that i have someone who can be my partner of life..someone who i can share everything...someone who i can count on...someone who respect me...someone who really2 love me just the way i am! i know it's just a dream...mimpi yang ga tau bakal jadi kenyataan apa ga?! dan gue ga tau apakah hati ini masih terbuka untuk orang lain?

so now blog...plis tell me!!!!!!!!!!!

hmm....
gue rasa cukup untuk curhatnya ya coz  i dont even know what to say anymore.. ngerasa kuat padahal am not. suddenly semuanya malah jadi blank. cukup lega eniwe as usual after i share all of this with u ! hope that i have a nice story for the next ya...:)

bye